everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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