At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
