I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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