According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
