I wannas sexs uuuuu
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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