i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
