Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
