Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
then he tried to convert me to islam
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
