I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
