This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
