If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
