apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
