I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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