my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
