I met the friendliest cop last night
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
