I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
