Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
