I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
