What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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