Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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