don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
