You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
