So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
