Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
