ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
