i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
