I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you will always have a special place in my vag
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
