I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
