While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
