My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
