Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Small penises have feelings too.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
