Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you win again, gameday.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
