My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
