thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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