he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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