Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
