I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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