there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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