The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
