You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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