If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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