I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
