can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
