I love black thongs
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
