I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
