my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
