I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
