After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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