a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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