Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
